Winter is that time of the year where life in Sydney can be pretty crap. Before the government came in and ate away at our culture, you had these 3 months of the year that were in charge of making life slightly miserable. One big hero of Winter is of course, Splendour in the Grass. That is if you are actually going. If not then Winter life gets even crappier for a few days. Here is a list of things you can do while your friends are having all the fun at Splendour.
Curl up into foetal position and cry
Do an ironic ‘who’s not going to Splendour’ status to be that guy
Watch videos while drinking a bottle of vodka in an effort to pretend you’re there while simultaneously drowning your sorrows about not being there
Complete social media blackout – Social media is an absolute trap during this period. Go on a social media diet, only jumping on when absolutely necessary. Better still, go on a complete social media blackout until it’s all over. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil 🙉🙈🙊
Go for some runs, eat some kale, start a fitness blog and pretend this is the start of a new healthy lifestyle (knowing full well you’ll be back on the piss next weekend when your jerk mates get back from Splendour)
Lock yourself indoors and go on a Netflix binge – Grab a whole bunch of unhealthy food and consume a shitload of movies and tv. Have a Splendour in your bedroom via some good ol Netflix and chill. When your mates come back you can blame the bad skin and extra kilos on their actions
Gather a bunch of friends in your backyard and stage your own shitty Splendour in the Grass aka #SHITG2017 – Pitch some tents, call a couple DJ mates, reunite your shitty band that you gave up on in high school and host your own Splendour crapfest
Repeatedly check your healthy bank balance to comfort yourself with how much money you aren’t spending
Do a Harry Potter marathon cos Hogwarts is lyf and escaping the muggle world is the best way to cope with Splendour FOMO
Absolutely Nothing – Write this one off, close your eyes and wait for it to be over
Have fun to all the jerks off to Splendour and stay strong to the rest of you!
Feature image by Bianca Holderness