Reports have been coming in from all over the country that people have started displaying signs of sickness, ranging from a sniffly nose and a cough, to complaints of stomach pains and strong headaches. Doctors around the country are baffled by the sudden outburst of visitors they are receiving, with experts absolutely clueless how an epidemic has spread so fast and so suddenly. Dr. Weekend, from the University of New South Wales, has been receiving non stop calls since this morning, all similar in form. He stated, “The illnesses that have been described to me fit the bill of cold and flu, however there are no real symptoms showing up in tests, so we may infact have a super virus on our hands.”.

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We managed to catch a few people outside a popular medical centre to chat about what they thought was the cause behind this epidemic. Greg, a 35 year old carpenter, said “Yeah I’m not too sure to be honest, I seem to always get a bit under the weather around public holidays that open into a potential 4 day weekend.”. Sally, who works in accounting stated “Oh, I had no idea it was an epidemic situation, I just realised when I woke this morning that there was only one day left to convince my boss that I’m not too well for Friday.”. A very convincing Andrew who works the local cafe said, whilst sniffling, “Yeah f*ck work off aye, boys gotta bender sometime.”.

With such a high intake of people seeking doctors certificates, employers are preparing for record lows in productivity on Friday due to almost all their staff falling very sick in the lead up. It is also reported that doctors are running low on certificates, so if you’re yet to collect yours, we advise you to do so asap.