Sweeping new legislation restricting the consumption of food and operating hours of restaurants is set to come into effect for Sydney CBD following an incident over the long weekend. The incident occurred on Saturday evening at Phil & Sara’s Italian restaurant and erupted into a 4 person brawl. Being the fourth incident that has occurred near a restaurant in recent weeks, there has been mounting pressure on the government to respond. Speaking at a press conference, Mike Baird issued a statement…


“We can no longer let this problem of violence around restaurants continue! As such, we are putting legislation in place to restrict the trading hours of restaurants to 9pm and consumption of food to cease at 8pm in the food-lockout zone”

The food-lockout zone tracks similarly to the existing lockouts, narrowly excluding the casinos for no apparent reason.

When asked how this draconian approach actually addresses the very serious and pervasive problem of violence in our society, there was no comment


There is a Keep Sydney Open rally this Sunday. Check the Facebook event here



This article is quite obviously (we hope) satire.