Over the weekend an antisocial douchebag was admitted to hospital for extreme exhaustion after trying to fight anyone that appeared to be looking at his girlfriend. A friend close to the man who asked to remain anonymous, said they were at a Sydney nightclub when he started to get aggressive.

“He noticed a couple of guys making eye contact with his missus and started firing up. I had to hold him back and calm him down. I told him not to do anything inside the club where there was security and cameras everywhere. We waited until 3am last drinks when everyone starts pouring out and then it was hunting season.”

“He singled out the guys that had looked at her inside the club but noticed more guys look at her on the streetsĀ and tried to take them on too.”

The man appeared to have a problem with eye contact in general, not only was he telling the men not to look at his girlfriend but aggressively warning them not to look at him in the eyes either.

“In the end there were too many guys looking in her general direction and it was too much for him even though he had just come off a cycle of (sic) roids. We dragged him away and took him to hospital”

The man was arrested in hospital after several of the people assaulted by him provided the police with a positive identification.





This article is quite obviously (we hope) satire.